Please Refrain From Screaming While I Scald You With My Costa Rican Coffee

They say that you hurt the ones you love, which is clearly why I’m doing this to you in the middle of a Corktown café. Listen, I know it’s been hard for you lately. Your cousin got burnt and thrown into the gutter and your sister disappeared. I get it, but you know what? Well..You know? Fuck it. Fuck you. Why the fuck am I being an apologist? You hurt the ones you love? Please. I’ve never loved you. You produce nothing but crap. I mean, sure, you’ve got a little bit of energy and you can occasionally be satisfying, but I’m not looking for little bits and occasionallys, you know? That’s just not the kind of guy I am. You’re not as complex as you think you are. Oh for fuck’s sake stop crying. You’re making a scene. Do I have to throw this coffee in your face to make you shut up? People are beginning to stare. Am I just going to have to slather you in butter and slowly gnash on your epidermis? Is that some sort of psychosexual fetish I should be getting checked out? Does it matter? Oh, don’t give me that look. It’ll be over fast.

You’re dead, bread.